Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Flock Me

"I wonder if you can help me?"

"I'll do my best!"

"I was doing one of your walks, when I came to this gate here".

We both lean over the map, her finger pointing at the gate in question.

"Oh yes, " I say. "That's the back orchard".

"Well, we got that far and couldn't go any further".

"Really? Oh dear. There shouldn't be any obstructions".

"There were all these sheep in the field".

"Yes, those are our Ryeland sheep, gorgeous aren't they?"

I smiled at her, genuinely mystified as to where we were going with this conversation.

"Well, are they safe?"

"Um....they're fine, as far as I know".

"No, I mean, is it safe to walk through them? You have to be careful when you have little ones," she stepped back, the sweep of her arm leading my gaze to the pushchair behind her.

"Oh!" I said, as understanding dawned. "Oh, they are perfectly safe! They will run away from you if you approach them. They are totally harmless, they don't attack or stampede or anything!"

She did not seem convinced. "Well, there's all that sheep muck I'd rather the children didn't walk through".

She left then, and drove off in her spotless 4x4.

I wondered if she finds herself trapped inside the car if she ever journeys to Wales or Scotland or anywhere that sheep roam freely over hill and dale. Sometimes it is hard to work out why some people choose a day out in the country.


Anonymous said...

For the first half of this post I thought you'd encountered a talking sheep, due to the odd way my brain processed the pic with the text.

I can imagine the lady you met just as clearly. Back home I'm surrounded by them - the towny women who move to the countryside and are suprised by lack of concrete.

Doris said...

Now you mention it, I can see how you could read it as a talking sheep. I, of course, understand every word they bleat anyway. (They are mostly saying "eh?")

Yes, we get lots of those ladies around here. They have come on holiday by accident. Or they live locally but only use their 4x4s for trips to Tesco and to clog up the roads on the school run.

troll hunter said...

GAK! Scool-Run-Mums in their Yamasaki Land Destroyers are the bain of my commuting life. They all live less than a mile from the school and not only do they not know how to engage 4WD or diff-lock but would never have reason to use it since the only time they leave the road is to clip the kerb because they got their driving licences from Tesco in a BOGOF offer!

My 50min drive to work is cut to 25min in the school holidays. If they got off their fat, lazy arses and walked the kids to school they'd have to spend less on diet ready meals and gym subscriptions they never use and would make themselves more healthy and the planet a nicer place to be.

Fat chance.

Rant over... Sorry Doris!

Doris said...

It's OK, Troll Hunter, you can rant as much as you like here. I'm all in favour of a good rant.

monica said...

cute sheep

oh, and i agree with Troll Hunter....

troll hunter said...

I love you Monica... Marry me! :D

monica said...

well, thank you, troll hunter, but i didn't mean i would agree with you over everything....

troll hunter said...

D'oh! There goes another potential wife... Such is the life of the Troll Hunter.

*Walks off into the sunset*