Monday, November 27, 2006

Picture Perfect

A photographer called today. We needed a picture to illustrate our Christmas events. Given the standard of photography the local press usually produce, my expectations were not high.

Imagine my delight when the photographer wanted not just me, but McColleague as well, to hold aloft a sprig of holly and a fir branch in each hand and grin like the bar had just opened. “Come on girls, hold them up!” chirped the photographer. I didn’t risk even a sidelong glance at McColleague.

“Well, another corker for our collection,” I mused afterwards.

“We looked demented, didn’t we?” ventured McColleague.

“Yes. We looked like we were part of a special group of people who really, really like holding up bits of trees”.

“If that doesn’t draw the crowds, nothing will”.

“Perhaps we should consider nothing as an option next time”.


Will said...

Gawd. At least it wasn't mistletoe, eh?

Doris said...

I am thankful for that, at least. Last year's solo mistletoe pic was enough for me. Those local newspaper photographers. I swear if I was promoting a new playground, they'd choose to put me on my own on the seesaw.

Anonymous said...


What with all these newspaper appearances, you could soon find yourself being approached by the producers of celebrity reality shows.

madame zak said...

They just *know* you've got no friends, don't they? Poor Doris! Maybe Sasha will be your thpecial friend....
(effects)me running away and hiding

Doris said...

Gareth - given the Z-list celebs appearing on most of the current reality shows, it can only be a matter of time before I am chowing down on kangaroo weenies.

Zak - you know full well that I have lots and lots of friends, and not all of them are of the imaginary or four-legged variety.

Wounded said...

The "standard of photography the local press usually produce"!!! Firstly, Press is proper noun and so carries a capital "P". Secondly, it is a collective noun and so the verb takes the singular, namely "produces", and, thirdly, this criticism from a woman who takes photographs of sawn up logs!!! It's a good job the photographer didn't ask you to write the caption. As for "Come on girls, hold them up", I think the photographer was being a little over optimistic - I imagine it would take two big lads and a wheelbarrow to accomplish that in your case.
Lay off the Press, Bottomface, or you'll find yourself in Grantham,



Troll Hunter said...

Poor, poor "Wounded". Not only is your grasp of the English language tenuous to say the least, (press is a noun, but not a proper noun) but you seem to believe that the lovely Doris claims to be a professional photographer and author. She has never claimed to be either.

This is forgivable, but your personal insults are unjustified and unprovoked. You sad, spoddy little wanker.