Thursday, January 10, 2008

First Aid Made Me Sick

"Right, you all remember Resusci Annie, don't you?"

We did. We were all there for our First Aid Re-Qualification. Once you have completed the original five day training course you are then qualified for three years. Once those three years have passed you need to attend a further 2 day course to maintain your qualification. We had all locked lips with Resusci Annie many times before.

"Well, this isn't Resusci Annie, this is Fred," continued our instructor, unzipping the case before him.

"Blimey," I muttered. "Fred's a bit scary, isn't he?"

Our instructor went on to tell us that while Annie is modelled on a petite woman, Fred reflects a more modern trend and is based on a 19 stone man. He was therefore a lot more demanding on the arm muscles when performing CPR.

My knees felt the strain too. Two days of crawling around on industrial nylon carpet, applying bandages and the kiss of life meant I was sporting a couple of impressive carpet burns, despite the jeans I wore.

I passed the exam at the end of day two and went away with a renewed qualification and the beginnings of the flu bug that knocked me out over Christmas. I am convinced someone breathed their germs into the chest cavity of Fred or Annie and I subsequently breathed them in. The medicated wipes used to clean the doll between each use only sterilise the surface. I am convinced Fred gave me flu.

8 comments:

cogidubnus said...

Now listen up...this is absolutely crucial to everyones future well-being...

Whatever you do, DON'T I repeat DON'T for gods sake tell Olive about Fred...

Reg Pither said...

Fred ain't got no nipples! I hope you pointed that out to your instructor - I mean, it was a medical course, wasn't it? Poor bloke. He's got a face like an arse, a load of dodgy birds keep giving him a tongue wrestling and he can't even get his chest corks pierced to take his mind off things.
Bring back Olive!

Geoff said...

Did Fred fall to earth?

He must have landed with an awful bump.

stitchwort said...

Did Fred smell authentically of BO, cigarettes and stale beer?

The thought of naked 19 stone bladders of lard is a good reason not to do a First Aid course.

Doris said...

Cogidubnus - I am quite sure that somewhere in her collection Olive has a knitted resuscitation doll.

Reg - I would never use the word "nipples" while on my hands and knees in a room full of St Johns Ambulance men.

Geoff - whatever happened to him was bad enough to leave him as just a head and torso. To be honest, I'm not convinced first aid is going to help him much.

Stitchwort - he mainly smelt of plastic and medicated wipe, which is marginally better I suppose.

zak said...

Well it makes a change from claiming to have caught things off of toilet seats I suppose :)

Doris said...

Hello Zak - yes, well that's my story and I'm sticking to it! :)

Anonymous said...

Fred reminds me of someone.....x