Flock Me

"I wonder if you can help me?"

"I'll do my best!"

"I was doing one of your walks, when I came to this gate here".

We both lean over the map, her finger pointing at the gate in question.

"Oh yes, " I say. "That's the back orchard".

"Well, we got that far and couldn't go any further".

"Really? Oh dear. There shouldn't be any obstructions".

"There were all these sheep in the field".

"Yes, those are our Ryeland sheep, gorgeous aren't they?"

I smiled at her, genuinely mystified as to where we were going with this conversation.

"Well, are they safe?"

"Um....they're fine, as far as I know".

"No, I mean, is it safe to walk through them? You have to be careful when you have little ones," she stepped back, the sweep of her arm leading my gaze to the pushchair behind her.

"Oh!" I said, as understanding dawned. "Oh, they are perfectly safe! They will run away from you if you approach them. They are totally harmless, they don't attack or stampede or anything!"

She did not seem convinced. "Well, there's all that sheep muck I'd rather the children didn't walk through".

She left then, and drove off in her spotless 4x4.

I wondered if she finds herself trapped inside the car if she ever journeys to Wales or Scotland or anywhere that sheep roam freely over hill and dale. Sometimes it is hard to work out why some people choose a day out in the country.

A Comments Selection Box

"The tea pots and milk jugs don’t pour properly – they just spill everywhere."

"How safe are the wooden floorboards outside the 4 poster bed room?"

(Hmm….well, they’re perfectly safe…)

"Superb exterior & grounds – interior very disappointing – much more needed as it takes minutes to look round! Please improve this."

(A personal favourite. The house is small. Only four rooms are on display. I am not quite sure how to change the laws of physics and make the house more TARDIS-like. )

"Where ever we travel up and down the land, stainless steel teapots always drip on the table! Yours are no different!"

"The walks are great if you walk the “correct” way round. If you go the opposite way it is not clear without a path map."

(This does not bode well for the author’s prowess at navigating major road systems. I mean, yes, the motorway is great if you travel the “correct” way round....)

"The small guide was one of the best I have had."

(I sincerely hope this is in reference to the informative leaflet, rather than my volunteer)

"Unfortunately the teapot doesn’t pour properly. Unfortunately the milk jug doesn’t pour properly."

It's hard to know how to respond to the dribbly teapot comments. We simply don't have the manpower required to test every spouted receptacle in the tea room for potential dribbliness. And, oh, how I long to reply as I would like to:

Dear Mr Hatstand. Thank you for your comment regarding the dribbliness of your teapot. I am sorry to hear of your disappointment with our tea-making paraphernalia. However, perhaps you could look upon this another way. If this is the worst thing that has happened to you today, you are truly fortunate. Take a moment to reflect upon how lucky you are! For if a leaky teapot is enough to ruin your day and drive you, ballpoint in hand, to the nearest comments card box, I dread to think how a major calamity - say a stubbed toe or a lost hat - would effect you. In the meantime may I take this opportunity to thank you for bringing this matter to my attention.

Yours sincerely,

Doris Sparrow

Visitor Services Manager